Encouraging Boredom

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During the summer, kids have the opportunity for more leisure time, free play and creativity. But as a parent, you might not like the way your kid acts when they’re bored. In this episode, you’ll learn why encouraging boredom is a good thing and how you can feel more at peace when your kids are bored, dysregulated and frustrated this summer. 

The Boredom Gap

It can help to think about boredom as the time between activities. I call this the “boredom gap”. 

Kids are used to having most of their day filled with structure and adult-directed activities. But the way they act when they’re bored is often an obstacle to giving them more of that free unstructured time that kids need.

When kids are bored, they get dysregulated. Basically, they feel out of balance and uncomfortable. They don't know what to do with that discomfort, so they start acting out. They start bugging their sibling, complaining, being grumpy, having a big feeling cycle, or doing something naughty.

Your tendency might be to jump in and give a bunch of suggestions of things your kid can do. I love having some ideas for boredom busters handy, but you have to offer them up at the right time.

Often, we jump in with suggestions before our kids are ready. There’s a cycle that your child’s brain needs to go through when it is dysregulated, and they might not be ready yet for solutions. 

When your kid is bored and dysregulated, their brain is uncomfortable. It is looking for the easiest way to soothe that discomfort. 

Screens are a really common request when kids are bored because it’s an easy dopamine hit. It’s the quick fix that makes them feel better in the short term, but it isn’t going to truly satisfy them. Think of it as being hungry and choosing a brownie over broccoli. Plus, the more time kids spend on devices, the more their brains crave that fast, easy stimulation. 

How To Handle Boredom

Wait. You have to get comfortable with your kid’s discomfort. Be compassionate and acknowledge what is happening. Look at your child and think, “Oh, they don't know what to do with themselves. They're bored, and they haven't figured out something to do with their brain yet.” 

If you need to calm yourself during this time, try thoughts like, “I can handle this,” or “I know they’re going to find a solution.”

Connect. If your child is acting dysregulated, you can use the Connection Tool to ask them if they’re having a rough time or feeling frustrated. Instead of trying to shut down their complaining, recognize that they are struggling and give them space to release some of that stress juice. 

It’s important to soothe before you solve. Narrate what you’re seeing. Help them name what they’re feeling. The mental discomfort of boredom can also bring up feelings of loneliness, frustration or annoyance. Offer strategies for them to soothe themself. 

Encourage problem solving. Once they are a bit calmer, say, “It’s normal to feel bored. That makes sense. I’m sure you’ll figure out a solution.” You can ask about their ideas or if they want suggestions from you. Invite them to think about what comes next and allow your kid’s brain to find its own solution. . 

Encouraging Boredom

How long the boredom gap lasts depends on how often your child has experienced boredom. 

The more your kids are bored, the better they get at overcoming and moving quickly through the boredom gap. With practice, their brain gets trained to solve the boredom problem.

Decreasing reliance on screens is one part of this. The brain is naturally going to crave screens, sweets and other easy solutions. When you take these options off the table (at least sometimes), the brain has to work harder, but it’s better for it. 

Essentially, the more screen breaks you create, the easier it will be for your kids to shift from restless protest to creative exploration. There will be resistance. Allow for some of that, be compassionate and trust that your child will figure it out. 

Allow longer blocks of unscheduled time. In the summer (and even during the school year), many families have gaps of 30-45 minutes between planned activities. This isn’t really enough time for kids to figure out an activity and really get into it and enjoy it. When you have these smaller gaps, it can help to have a plan in mind, like quiet reading time, coloring or some chores.

When you can, block out longer periods of time for your kid to practice working through boredom. 

When we give our kids opportunities to be imaginative, creative and overcome boredom, they also develop resilience, grit and confidence. It is powerful for your child to realize that they can deal with discomfort and figure out a solution. 

You’ll Learn:

• Why kids act out when they’re bored
• How to handle your kid’s boredom
• Why encouraging boredom is great for the whole family
• How to create opportunities for your kids to practice being bored and working through it

Resources:

• Summer Toolkit
• Episode 127: Create A Play-Based Childhood
• Episode 15: When Kids Are Bored
• Episode 4: Setting Limits that Work