Surviving the 3 Stages of Motherhood

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Over the course of my experience being a mom and coaching hundreds of other moms, I’ve noticed 3 distinct stages of motherhood. No matter what stage you’re in right now, I want you to feel seen and understand more about why you feel the way you feel. In this episode, I’ll explain these stages and give practical advice for surviving the 3 stages of motherhood.

None of these stages lasts forever, and there are things you can do to support yourself along the way.

The Body Stage

In the first 6 years of your kid’s life, parenting is very, very physical. Your kid is all over your body, wanting to be held, holding your hand, just wanting to be close to you. 

You’re using your body a lot so you’re physically drained, but you might also feel really bored at times because it’s not that mentally stimulating. When I was in this stage, all I wanted was a place where I could lay down and not have anybody touching my body. 

If you’re in this stage now, the goal is to take excellent care of your body. I’m not talking about fitness or the size or strength of your body. The key is thinking about how to rest your body and take care of it in a way that feels really good to you. 

Maybe it’s taking a long shower or bath, getting a massage, watching TV or laying down in the afternoon while your kid is napping. Be gracious with yourself. Of course you're tired. Of course you need rest. 

If you have the resources, you can also think about getting a babysitter for just a few hours a week so that you have a bit of a break. A family member or friend might be willing to help you out with this, too.

The Mind Stage

When your kid is between 6-12 years old, you move into the mind stage. These years feel like a jigsaw puzzle of scheduling. You're trying to figure out how to get dinner on the table, get homework done, manage appointments and schoolwork and get your kids to the practices or activities that they need to get to.

With your kids, this is also a time when you’re doing a lot of teaching and talking. They have questions. They want to complain and problem solve with you. 

The mental load during these years is huge. Your mind is going to be taxed during these years, so you need to figure out how to take mental breaks. What can you do to just relax and have fun? 

This is a great stage to spend more time with other moms. Maybe you love to read or want to do something creative or artistic. Maybe you just want to mindlessly watch Love Island for hours. No judgment here!

If you’re at home during the day, taking a break before the kids get home from school will help you feel recharged and ready for the problems, sibling squabbles, homework, activities, etc. that start when they come in the door.

The Heart Stage

When your kid gets into middle school and high school, you enter a stage where your heart is concerned for them all the time. It feels existential. It feels scary. It feels like you don't have as much power or control. Your kid is making decisions. They're creating new friendships. They're away from you a lot more, often for longer periods of time. 

This is the stage that I’m reaching the end of right now. My heart is so tender. I feel for myself. I get scared sometimes. I get overwhelmed. I get angry. I get worried. I have a lot of emotions. And I also feel for my kids as they go through all these hard stages of life. 

It feels like the only thing that’s really left at this stage is your heart connection with your kid. It’s beautiful, but it can also be heartbreaking. You’ll need to soothe your own heart a lot through this period of time.

My favorite strategy in this stage is to practice a Positive Parenting Vision. Think about the future, and imagine the best case scenario that you want for your child. Hold a vision that they are going to grow and overcome and become whoever they're meant to be.

If they're making mistakes right now, imagine them overcoming and learning from these mistakes. If they're struggling with something socially, emotionally or academically, imagine them getting the resources they need and overcoming, becoming that next version of themselves. 

It used to feel like I had a front row seat to my kids’ lives. Now, I’m not even in the building. I get the highlight reel after the game is over. When I start to worry, I go back to that positive parenting vision. 

Other ways to support yourself during this stage are to rely on friends and create hobbies or interests outside of motherhood. Focus on things that bring you satisfaction and joy so that when the “empty nest” time comes, you won’t feel so empty. 

Take care of your heart. Tend to it. Talk about it. Get support. Talk to other parents who are going through it. Find new interests and hobbies so that you aren't so brokenhearted.

Surviving the 3 Stages of Motherhood

The truth is that motherhood will always be hard. The period of time that you’re raising children is intense. 

Sometimes, there might be overlap in the stages, especially if you have more than one kid. The physical exhaustion and mental overload you feel are normal. 

Whatever stage you’re in right now, it won’t be like this forever. The physical exhaustion will lessen when you’re through the body stage. You’ll get your brain back when you’re through the mental stage. 

And while I may not yet know what comes after the heart stage, I know that it won’t always be this hard. My kids are going to grow up. We’ll still have an amazing relationship, and my heart will be full of joy for them as they become the next version of themselves. 

Motherhood is a brutiful thing (brutal and beautiful). As much as it's challenging, I encourage you to savor it and recognize that it is temporary. It won't always be this hard, but it also won't be this kind of beautiful again.

You’ll Learn:

• The 3 stages of motherhood
• How to get a break when your body is exhausted and your brain is overwhelmed
• My favorite tool to soothe your heart during the tween and teen years