What It's Like Parenting Teens

This episode is all about YOU - the PARENTS and what it’s actually like parenting teens. 

Last week’s episode was all about what it’s like to be a teen today and what your teenager is experiencing and struggling with. If you missed it, you can go back and listen here.

I’m thrilled to have Jennifer Delliquadri, life coach for teens and their parents, back on the podcast interviewing me about all things parenting teens - what comes up for you as a parent, common challenges and practical strategies to help you through the teenage years.

What It’s Like To Parent A Teenager

Parenthood is a journey from feeling like you have a lot of control to feeling as if you have none.

You go from being “in charge” of a tiny human to being not “in charge” of an adult.

The thing is, you never really had power or control in the first place. And no other time in parenting does this feel more true than when you’re raising teens. 

Common Struggles In Parenting Teens

Fear about their future

When you are raising teens, the stakes feel higher. When we are afraid our kids won’t reach their potential we constantly intervene in order to “teach” them how they should behave. But failure is the real teacher, and when we intervene we deprive our kids of opportunities to learn.

Lack of trust in your kid

When your teen starts making very adult decisions or struggling to make any decision at all, you might feel powerless as a parent. 

When we jump in and try to make decisions for them, they often respond in one of two ways. Either our kid rebels against our control, or they end up lacking self-confidence and live in fear of making mistakes. 

Being uncomfortable with their discomfort

Teen years are full of hard moments, failure and uncertainty, and this can be really uncomfortable for parents to witness. 

You might have a tendency to stop negative consequences from happening or want to shut down their feelings. But they need the space to move through it. 

Confusion about your role

It’s not always clear what you are responsible for and what you aren't or what limits and boundaries need to be set.

Feeling distant and disconnected

You may not be sure how to talk to your kids about their lives anymore. 

There’s a sort of grief that comes with our kids growing up. We lose some of the intimacy we have with them when they’re little, and it comes with a sense of loss and sadness.

Strategies For Parenting Teens

Set limits

This is simply what your teen is allowed to do and under what circumstances. Or what you are willing to do for them under certain conditions. 

They will have all the freedom and all the responsibilities as adults, so the teen years at home are a sort of training ground.

Setting limits is usually pretty easy once you’re clear on what you want and what you’re willing to do. Enforcing boundaries, on the other hand, can feel really uncomfortable. If you want your teen to respect the boundary, you have to, too. 

Process your own negative emotions

Label the actual emotions you are feeling. Allow yourself to feel them. Just be in it. Avoid telling yourself you shouldn't feel what you are feeling. This will help you be ok with your child’s struggle.

It’s easier in community with other parents who are doing the same work. (This is what we do in Calm Mama Club).

You’ll Learn:

• How to use these teen parenting years as a way to get closer to your teen instead of being pushed apart
• THE most important thing you can do for your teen 
• What to say when your teen's feelings are overwhelming for you
• How to shift your perspective by creating a “delight list” about your teen 

Connect with Jennifer:

Jennifer offers 1:1 coaching for preteens to young adults. You can learn more about her programs at www.jenniferdelliquadri.com and follow her on Instagram at @jennifer.delliquadri.